“The best communication happens when there are different beings bringing different perspectives and experiences to the relationship.” says Lawrenz. “Consider it quite positive that you can express your love in different ways and there are different ways to receive and give love.” “It centers around thinking about what you have appreciated the most when your current or past partners tried to do something nice for you,” says Ho. “What made you feel the most loved, and which behaviors did not mean that much to you?
The author’s theory is that there are five major ways to express love . Each of us has a primary love language, and relationship problems occur when others fail to express love to us in that language. The book is written from a religious perspective, and I struggled a lot with that as well.
Chances are you’re dealing with the ugly ghost of ghosting. This you use when you have come to know the person well, and want to take the relationship to the next level. When someone says “She is my Bae”, it doesn’t necessarily imply a romantic connection. Well, it is used to refer to a person in your life who is important enough to come before anyone else. Like it’s so hard to type out three extra words instead of being cool and abbreviating it.
As it turns out, the insight they offer can bring both immediate and lasting positive change to any relationship dynamic. People can have two primary love languages – one for showing love to others, and one for how we prefer to receive love. Fast-forward to the present day, almost 30 years from the book’s publication. As popular as the concept is, many people have since www.thedatingpros.com pointed out problems with the love languages. Some people can use the love languages theory as a sort of personality test, despite the fact that Chapman’s whole point is that we’re supposed to adapt ourselves to our partner’s love language, not demand they use ours. “I personally believe it also depends on gender, culture, customs, and values,” Mahmud-Syed notes.
Instead of valuing quality time with him, we spend all of our time trying to live without him. I’d recommend reading about the strengths and weaknesses of the five love languages. Love languages are a beneficial tool for understanding others, but they can also be harmful if used wrongly. The five love languages framework doesn’t work for everyone. If talking about it causes conflict in your relationship, let it go.
Love language criticisms to consider
Each love language exists on a spectrum, and it is possible to learn to “speak” all five love languages. It is likely that your primary love language will be connected to how love was expressed in your family of origin. Being able to express to your partner how you prefer to be shown love can increase your ability to feel loved and appreciated in your relationship. Also, knowing more about the five love languages can help you to notice the ways that your partner is showing their love for you, even if they are not speaking your primary love language.
Odds are most, if not all, of the languages contain something that resonates with you, but when it comes to selecting just one, focus on which aspects you find most important. These acknowledgements are how your partner knows for certain that you see the value they bring into the relationship, says Pataky. Saying words more romantic than “I love you” — “I am there for you” — means you’re willing to do the work that a relationship requires.
What are The 5 Love Languages®?
When the efforts you are making to express your love do not seem to be reciprocated by your partner, that may result in confusion that leads you to question if your partner returns those feelings of love. Sometimes, it might be that you and your partner truly are incompatible and that the feelings of love you have for your partner are not enough to sustain the relationship. Other times, there is simply a lack of healthy communication, and being open about your wants and needs can improve your ability to feel satisfied in your relationship. Learning more about each other’s love languages could be one way to determine if you can make positive changes that will help you both to continue to benefit from the relationship. For example, you might love words of affirmation, but your partner places a premium on quality time and touch.
Drop a WYCM if you want to call your date but are not sure if they are free. It’s important to understand what is the meaning of WYCM in the right context though. If the person just started dating hasn’t responded to your texts in days, don’t WYCM them.
Things like texting, the Internet , and social networking through Facebook, Instagram, blogging, and on and on. Unfortunately, most single adults have spent more time thinking about technology than they have studying love. If you’re single, use your newfound knowledge to strengthen your connection with loved ones. It can also be a guide when you’re looking for a partner.
How Can You Use the 5 Love Languages in Your Life?
Page after page I found myself wanting to yell, “yes! Thats exactly right!” If I could give this more than five stars, I would. Okay, maybe “changed my life” is a bit strong, but it has certainly enhanced my marriage like nothing else I’ve ever read or done. I’ll do the whole would-it-kill-you-to-read-something-positive-with-me-for-a-change thing if I want something in return in order spend some time with my wife. The idea is that everyone has a love language, and what communicates love to one person might not necessarily be the same for the other. I won’t go into the circumstances which lead to this bizarre buddy read that took place at Disneyland. I will say that this book has some reasonably helpful thoughts and ideas, but…
Learning to speak another love language takes time and effort. Both of you will need to extend grace as you learn to love each other. Your boyfriend may never have heard of the five love languages, but it’s possible he’s speaking more than one of them fluently. If you don’t know already, The Five Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman and a framework for understanding relationships. One reason is that the honeymoon stage of a relationship often ends earlier for long-distance couples.
